A few weeks ago, reader and fab scrapper Christine sent me a link to a blog entry she had done. I read it and knew I had at least one kindred spirit out there. Her post was called “Buying into Life” and was about the happiness gained by spending money on experiences rather than things. This is something that we have a family have chosen to do and it is interesting to hear that studies have been done on it. So this weeks The UN-digi is all about bringing some more happiness into your life…not with new stuff but with new experiences.
I remember a few years ago I was telling someone about our plans to stay in a hotel for a night, “just for fun.” She asked, quite shocked at our plans, how we had the money to do that. That was good question! Our family has a lot of things but money has never been one of them! I simply responded that we don’t usually spend money on things — we spend it on experiences. I tried to explain that with an experience, everyone gets to enjoy it, you can savor it long afterward, and it brings the family closer together. I did a poor job of stating my case, but I can assure you we had a great time at the hotel!
After reading Christine’s post and the related articles, it seems as though we are not alone in our belief that things can never take the place of experiences. Christine did a great job summarizing what she had heard and read:
Basically, the gist of it is that people who spend money on experiences are happier than people who spend money on material possessions, because:
- The initial excitement of a new possession fades over time, usually 6-8 weeks. (And in my opinion and experience, I think that’s why there are shopaholics. They crave the initial “high” of a purchase.) Experiences continue to provide happiness through memories long after the event.
- Experiences draw people closer. Common and shared experiences with family & friends are often what draw us together. This fulfills our need for social bonding and brings satisfaction.
- People felt a greater sense of “being alive” during the experience and in reflection.
- When you spend money on experiences there’s less of the “keeping up with the joneses” phenomenon. Experiences are unique and so we are less likely to compare ourselves to other people and feel inferior.
Personally, here are the reasons our family chooses to spend time and money on experiences rather than things:
- For the most part, experiences can involve the whole family while things are for one person or one group of people (adults or kids). For a child’s birthday, I can buy a new toy that the child alone will enjoy for a few days (or hours!) or we can go and do something as a family and everyone is able to enjoy it.
- We remember our experiences much more — and much longer — than the “stuff” we get. My kids wouldn’t be able to tell you what they got for their last birthday (we do buy them a few things) but they sure could tell you what we DID.
- Going places and doing things together bonds us as a family…more than any new toy ever could. I firmly believe that relationships are built and strengthened through common experiences and fond memories, not over shared things.
- By spending money on experiences (trips, outings, etc) rather than things, the amount of stuff in our house remains somewhat under control. In many homes, Christmas and birthdays usually bring a ridiculous number of new things into a house (and most people don’t ensure that the same number of things go out of the house). Choosing experiences instead of things keeps the “stuff” from accumulating.
- We crave doing stuff together. People, by nature, want more of what they already have. If we give our kids lots of toys they will crave more. If we give our kids lots of experiences, they long for more of the same. What would you rather have? A child who begs for more toys or one who begs for more time together as a family?
- Experiences can be cheaper. Of course there are always ways to spend money, but experiences can be inexpensive or free. We often look for fun and cheap ways to do things together.
I want to touch for a minute on the last point: financial issues. I wouldn’t want someone to read this and think, “well, we don’t have much money so this won’t work for us!”
1. Yes, there are lots of expensive things you can do and places you can go. We have spent money on some expensive options (like yearly passes to Disney World, nights at hotels, weekend trips). We have made this possible by choosing to watch where our money goes. For example, I think some people were surprised that we paid to have passes to Disney World. They were expensive, but we made choices in other areas that saved a lot of money: we didn’t have cable. We had basic cell phone service with no extras. We went to Starbucks only three or four times all year…think of how much money we saved by not spending $4+ on coffee several days a week!) We chose to drive a cheap, older car. We almost never bought books or DVDs…instead we made insanely heavy use of the local library. Obviously this was not just so we could go to Disney, but these choices (and many more like them), enabled us to have money for other things.
2. There are many, many cheap or free ways to invest in experiences rather than things. Get creative in what you do and where you go. The internet is an amazing resource for finding free stuff in your community and surrounding areas. Look for things that the whole family will love. Here are some ways that our family does inexpensive things together:
- We go to lots of parks and playgrounds and try to decide which ones are the best
- We do lots of crafts. I am craft-blog obsessed and have found so many wonderful ideas of things to do as a family. The kids love it and are always so proud to show off their new creations. Just this week my sons spent days playing with some swords and “hooks” I made out of cardboard and tin foil.
- We create fun meal time activities. We have had “no manners meals” when everyone gets to “forget” their manners for a while. We often invite people over for dinner and then the kids get to help cook and prepare for our guests. Just this weekend we created an at-home version of a favorite restaurant, the Pancake Parlour. The kids created their own special placemats (and one for our guest) and we had a great time cooking up pancakes and then decorating them with ice cream, sprinkles, chocolate sause, chocolate chips, and more. We turn the every day in a FUNday.
- We look for ways to let the kids to do thing they think they shouldn’t be doing. Kids love feeling like they are “getting away” with something. One day I bought some cans of shaving cream and we had a shaving cream graffiti party in our backyard. At first they couldn’t believe what I was doing! But once they got over they shock they loved writing all over the sidewalk and walls. We played shaving cream hop scotch and then painted each other white!
- We find fun ways to get places. Jason has a love for transportation adventures so he will often try to find fun ways to get “from here to there.” You can take the bus instead of a car. If you are in a bigger city, take the train. Ride bikes. Pull a sled…anything that makes the mundane new and exciting!
I encourage you to ask yourself, “To Do or to Have?” Which is most important to you and to your family? What kinds of memories will you and your children take through life? What kinds of things do you remember most from your own childhood. Think through the answers to these questions and then takes some appropriate steps in the direction of your choice!
P.S. If this is a topic you want to read more about, check out the THIS radio broadcast or read an in-depth study from Cornell University.
great post and thoughts!!! I love it!
I so agree with you!!!
I will be trying that shaving cream idea at our house!!! We love to do weird things here too… like one day was Pirates (we made a pirate ship and hid a treasure and the girls found their candy treasure with the map I made… fun!! We sometimes have “Junk Suppers”. My brother and I got to enjoy these as kids. Now, I do it with mine. 
Thanks for the inspiration!! 
This was a great blog entry….enjoyed and agreed with it!!!!! That is where I think the photography and scrapbooking comes in….taking photos of those experiences together and scrapbooking them to have forever!!!!
This is one of the best blog entries I’ve read in a LONG time! Eventhough we all know these things in our hearts, sometimes our HEADS have to be reminded!! Thank you soooooo much! (BTW, I personally think the hotel idea is one of the best ever!)
Awesome post, thank you so much! I know these things and we do have a lot of experiences, but I think we could do more and this was so well written too! Thanks for sharing!
Wow! I just LOVE THIS SO MUCH! I like a lot of your point of views… thanks for sharing your ideas, I know it will help me and our family in a lot of ways.
I totally agree with you. My fondest memories of my dad are the tons of time he spent with me, doing whatever new he found. Often he carried with us some of my friends ( I don’t know how he managed five or more kids in tow lol).
As a teen I began to observe that the experiences my dad brought round me made me more confident and forthcoming than my pals. I had quite an asset from this.
Now as an adult I spend lot of energies to persuade my friends to do “things” together rather than always going to movies or to have dinner. I miss the feeling of “sharing” sometimes.
But I tell you, it’s an exausting task with people!
Ciao, Ari
I LOVE this concept and all the fun ideas you shared. TY!
Ohhh… this is soooo where I’m at these days!! I’m trying to figure how to get rid of the heaps of toys and stuff we’ve accumulated!! I long for more time and life experiences! This article really brings it home! Thank-you!
Oh Janet, this post really strikes a chord with me. My DH and I talk about this very subject often. Last summer we bought a camper, and everyone thought we were crazy, but we spent the rest of the summer experiencing the best times together. It was our way of investing in experiences. I am going to link to this post on my blog. Thank you!
This is how choose to live life with my boys. We have had some of the most amazing experiences over the years. We don’t have money for lots of extras but we have as much fun out in the driveway shooting hoops together as we did last summer when we went to a late model race at the Milwaukee Mile when the tickets were given to us for free. We have football parties when our rival teams play each other and eat and laugh and just enjoy the game no matter who wins. I will make a special event out of nothing and we can celebrate it! We laugh until we cry sometimes. I sat up one night until 3am with my teenage son playing blackjack and just talking. I guess that is why my actually enjoy talking to their Mom…
Thank you for sharing your feature and thanks to my girlfriend Ramie for sharing it with me! :’)
What a wonderful post … perfect for me to read today! We asked my husband’s parents for a pass to the local science center this year for Christmas rather than money or toys for the kids and it has been wonderful!! My kids look forward to using it and spending the time together as a family. We take our kids to Disneyland once a year and I know those trips will be something they remember their entire lives and look forward to doing with their own families
I just love what inspiration I find on a daily basis here on your blog that goes so much further than digi scrapping!!! I looked for a ‘contact me’ button and didn’t find one, so I am going to be brief with my question…hoping you can respond to my private email.
I am an Expressive Arts therapist as well as an addiction Counselor/Educator. I work with women who are pregnant and/or mothers in an outpatient substance abuse program. I am always looking for inspiration to share with my clients, and ways to incorporate my love for all things digital and traditional scrapping/crafting. We are currently working on a ‘hybrid’ journal concentrating on the theme of “Happiness”. I am hoping you won’t mind if I use some of your ideas and thoughts in a handout to give them in this process, as one of the focuses for them is to reevaluate materialism etc etc.
Can you please let me know if you would have any objections to this use of your comments, particularly what all can be done with little money, as the clients I work with are about as down & out as people can get. I am VERY conscientious about crediting ALL my sources of information.
Thank you for all you add to the digi world in broadening horizons!!!
CJ
I totally agree with this philosophy on memories vs stuff. My husband & I bought an older camper last year and instead of spending money on stuff…we went camping. My 2 year old loved camping. Mostly because I ‘let go’ for a moment and let her get dirty, play in the water, & do the things she rarely got do at home. We really cherish those moments. We moved from MN 6 months & had to sell our camper. Now that spring is coming here in TX, we’re starting to search for another camper!
Okay, am I allowed to bring up “digi”? Because it is a lot funner to scrap EXPERIENCES than THINGS! Right? And the library thing – that’s one of the funnest experiences my daughter and I share on a regular basis! And Children’s Museum, Science Museum, plays (high school plays are cheap and fun, and SHORT), and once in awhile movies, but not too often. And taking walks. With the dog! And letting her hold the dog. And here’s one you probably wouldn’t think of – our local cemetery. We recently moved into the town where my mother’s family has been from for 140 years – so going through the local cemetery (which is very pretty with nice paths) is a way to “LEARN” (but don’t tell her it’s LEARNING) our family history and connect ourselves to generations of ancestors. Does that win for weirdest family experience?
Thanks for the reminder on this, Janet. It’s a pretty simple concept really, isn’t it? Yet, we have to be very conscious about it and make efforts to put it into practise because buying things is a lot easier and quicker. I, for one, find myself most stressed by the amount of junk coming into the house; it’s always a breath of fresh air when we clean up and donate a lot of things we don’t need and use anymore.
This is the BEST thing I have read all day! I am a STRONG advocate of experiences rather than things. I have so many cherished memories of our family’s experiences; they will never wear out or be obsolete and they do not take up space! People think I’m crazy because we still have 1970s linoleum in our kitchen and that we still drive our 1992 Isuzu Rodeo! But hey, it’s paid for! Thank you so much for this wonderful post. It is an awesome un-digi topic to write about!
Memories last a lifetime, stuff doesn’t. Thank you for reminding us of that. I bought my granddaughters, 3 and 2, yearly passes for the zoo this month for their birthday. I felt a little bad because they couldn’t actually unwrap something. But, everytime they go to the zoo they will have another memory – all year long. They love the animals. Thank you.