You might have read this before. You might have read it a lot. But, it is worth reading again. And again. Every day I have to remind myself that what I do as a mother can not be checked off a to do list. Even though on most day it LOOKS like I did nothing all day long…the results will be seen some day.
For those of you who are mothers, this is for you. For those of you aren’t (yet), read this so that 1) you won’t be surprised one day when you are a mom that you feel like no one sees you and 2) so that you can grasp how moms feel on an every day basis. Reach out to a mom. See how you can help. Tell her she is doing a good job…make her feel like the long hours, diaper changing, face washing, toy playing, book reading, hair brushing, question answering, booger picking, and fight refereeing is all worth it. If you can’t do that, don’t worry. Just don’t ask her what she does all day.
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This is long, but worth reading and saving for a rainy day – you know, those days when you doubt if all the work you put into being a great mom is ever going to be noticed. The days where you think, “Oh, I used to be brilliant and cute and I used to look really good in jeans!” Save it for that day. Or if you’re having that day today, get your hankie out before you read on…
This is to all moms – and moms to be ———
“Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible”
I’M INVISIBLE
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’ Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mom.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude – but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription:
‘To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’
In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ‘You’re gonna love it there.’
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
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That’s it for today. Nothing more to say. Enjoy your Sunday and know that what you are doing matters.
Thank you. I am a mom of 4 (3 boys, 1 girls – ages ranging from 6 yrs to 19 yrs) and I have had weeks – nay, YEARS! – of feeling invisible, even to the Divine. The invisibility was compounded by years of emotional, verbal and psychological abuse, so while I understand what the article is saying, and while it wasn’t needed or necessary to have heard “thanks” all the time, it might have helped a torn, tattered and bruised single mom to hear it every once in a great while just to know that what I was doing was at least appreciated. It has only been in the last few years that I have been able to crawl out from the darkness and see that what I was doing during those years did, indeed, make a positive difference in my childrens’ lives.
To those moms out there – thank you for doing all that you can for your family, for your children, for the betterment of their lives. Even if someone is telling you that what you are doing is wrong, go with what your heart and soul is telling you is right, and know that it is appreciated.
thanks for sharing this wonderful story…I shall never be a mum unfortunately but I sure hope I build my own cathedrals for the people around me…thanks for the beautiful words, it brought tears in my eyes.. sometimes it’s hard to see what road you have to travel or why things happen in your life… I sure hope if I don’t build a cathedral I sure will build a nice birdshouse
This is my first visit to The Daily Digi and what an amazing story to stumble upon.
I am a single mom of 3 boys and this totally made me cry like a baby lol.
Thank you for sharing!
I love this book! After reading it once I felt that every mother would need to read it at some point in their motherhood. I have never thought of cathedrals the same again…what a beautiful reminder of what I’m building into each day, moment by moment. Thank you for the reminder to take it off the shelf and read it again.
(“The Invisible Woman – When Only God Sees” by Nicole Johnson)
You made me cry…today is one of those INVISIBLE MOM DAYS….thank you!!!
This really touched my heart. Thanks for sharing.
This was just beautiful. Soo touching! Thank you so much for posting this!
thank you so much – it is so right!
Thank You and May GOD bless you and your family always! ^0^x^0^
I’ve felt this way too many times to count and was in need of this reminder again today. Thank you … I’ll turn to it often, I’m sure
Thank you Janet! I really needed that today.
Thanks, I needed that.
Beautiful! Makes me feel better about the time I spent invisible in the kitchen today.
Amazing! Wow!
I desperately needed that reminder today!!! Life comes in waves sometimes they are smooth and swim-able…other times they come crashing down. Thanks for that bit of confidence!!!
That was great!! Thanks for sharing!!
wow…thank you so much for sharing this! It really has touched my life and brightened my day!
Thank you so much for this. I’ll keep a copy of this to read the next time my husband comes home and asks what I’ve done all day.
thank you
xo
Thanks so much Janet for sharing this story. There was a time I dreamed of being an architect, but I ended up being “just a Mom”, instead. I never realized that I was indeed the architect of some beautiful work. Thanks for the perspective.
Thank you so much for this! We all feel like this at some time or other (more lately than I like to) BUT this has put it all back into perspective!
Thanks so much
Hugs
Kerri
I say this with tears running down my face. Thank you!! This is just what I needed to read today.
sniff*sniff*this is wonderful….Where did this originate? Are you the author of this, Janet?
Off I go to post a link in facebook for all the great mothers I know
Ooh boy, I totally feel like that woman… Terrific read, thank you!
Beautifully written Janet- so touching and so true. What wonderful piece to read this morning!
That was beautiful. All of us moms have our moments when we feel very very invisible. I feel like all of the DailyDigi readers have *seen* me today. And they didn’t even complain about the fact that I am still in my pajamas and have not had a shower. Thanks Janet, have a wonderful day.
Thanks- needed that!
Thank you Janet, that was so moving and such a great reminder of all that we do and why…..now I have to get back to the laundry
Great article, and you are right that moms need support. I have a great local support, TheMommiesNetwork has hundreds of sites across the US that help on a local basis. Thank you so much Janet for your article today. It’s a nice reminder.
Thank you. You have NO idea how much I needed this today.
This really resonated with me this morning as I woke up after only sleeping 4 hours (I’m on my insomnia kick again) to my 5yo son crying and whining that he didn’t want to wear sweatpants to the 8am baseball clinic this morning after his dad took him to the rodeo last night as a spur of the moment “Boys night out”. I just laid my head back down on the pillow and heard my 2yo daughter wake up crying because she peed through her diaper AGAIN and was soaked in pee. I put in my 15th load of bedding laundry in the last 2 weeks (between the 2 of them wetting the bed) while looking at the at least 6-7 regular loads that needs to be done. Then my daughter threw a tantrum because she didn’t like the shirt I dressed her in. After finally calming down demanded her milk and for me to put the TV on. All of this drama before 9am on a Sunday! I retreated to my office to get some work done, but ended up looking at some of my favorite blogs instead and found this. THANK YOU! I really needed this today!
I soooo needed this today. Thank you!
I just had my second child this past week. And in the early morning hours when all is still quiet this was a beautiful thing to read. Thank you for posting it, it has touched me and will remain in the back of my head on some of those toughest days to come.
I should have gone to get the hankie. Thank you for the wonderful post
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This is so touching and SO true. I love it.
[...] read what she writes – usually it’s scrap booking stuff. But today she made a post about the Invisible Mom. I highly recommend a visit to her not matter if you like scrap booking or not; no matter if you [...]
This was very beautiful and a great reminder.
Love it, Janet! Here in Norway we are celebrating Mothers Day on this very day, so it was special and nice to find this today
So, Happy Mothers Day to us all!